today is two-thirds through springtime...

May 21, 2010 Georgetown, CO
15:47:56 hours, MDT

… Nice relaxing day…

Took Ellie-Mae for the walk along the tracks before daybreak here on the floor of the valley…Although the sun was shining on the snowfield above tree line it was not quite ‘up’ yet here and the walk besides helping to invigorate my body/mind was just perfect.

The temperature continued down after the sun-up period…was 34° F. approximately 06:20 hours and slightly lower at around 08:30, according to the thermometer nailed to the side of a garage over on Biddle.
The tracks were good, this time I forgot the ‘punch-proof’ toilet paper and although I needed to use some by the so called tunnel between the High Bridge and the next trestle up the line I managed.
I forgot that I might need the blue paper towels.

Punch-proof paper is necessary, don’t you think? The toilet paper companies might do well to provide this item to the consumer; after all― the governmental agencies supply it in some of their lavatory facilities. And it alleviates the distain when a wiper presses the fingertip through in effort for that clean wipe. Is Charmin’s softness all that and a deck of cards? Would not you really like punch-proof instead?

Took a nap and sat out in back in shorts reading sans shirt earlier, reading Walking My Dog, Jane: From Valdez to Prudhoe Bay Along the Trans-Alaska Pipeline by Ned Rozell.

http://www.gi.alaska.edu/ScienceForum/ASF14/1496.html

Georgetown Spring snows

May 14, 2010 Georgetown, CO

Snowed again nearly four days in a row, here.

Took Ellie-Mae again along the tracks up to Plume and shot some more snow images from the tracks.
Am continuing the training to help and assist the metabolism to be primed for a North Rim trip, possibly next week.

See posted images.

Dispassionate Friends

February 19, 2010
10:54:21 MST, G-town, CO

…continued journal…

I am attracting in a dispassionate unflustered friend.
I am attracting in many dispassionate unflustered friends.
I am attracting in unflustered female friends that I am intimate with AND they are dispassionate with me.
I am attracting in male dispassionate unflustered friends.

I am attracting in both female and male intimate friends with the aim of, when they blow out and become angry…they are not angry at me; not unlike so many people still believe in their brains that they need to be this way and continue to behave in this non-effective style. I fell prey to just this over the last full moon and regret my behavior. It has to say the least …been an eye-opener and at most in my opinion a stage call for action on my part to grow away from such intensities. These intensities turn me into the guy who ‘doesn’t Get-it’ and all that is left to do is get my pc. of chicken at the BBQ and step to the back of the line.

It is too complicating to have immature friends like this in the closest region of my heart these interesting days and nights since Kyle passed; as well My actions are unacceptable to what Shakespeare called―> “To Thine Own Self Be True”.

I need/want/desire dispassionate unflustered female friends that want to be intimate with me and when she or me or both …become angry and disgruntled…..she doesn’t get angry at me but can articulate and not divert her idea while encumbered. I need/ want/ desire the same in males although not sexually.

Above is an affirmation of sorts and an expressed yearning that is the black on the white. I wonder whether you want/aspire for the same?

February 7, 2010
11:37:33 MST, Georgetown, CO

-->continued journal <--

Another notion I entertain is whether you have been so-called environmentally-involved... I mean past the recycle thing that the consumerists laud so loudly. Past the pretty-color-coordinated plastique crates for “all your recycling needs” as the recyclers put it so eloquently; beckoning us all in America to do “OUR PART” what ever that part is.

***

My best friend Kyle Miller killed himself January 15th, this year and things have been Fucking Interesting as time goes forward.

Soo Not Boulder!

on second thought ... might become a bouncer at a local trailer court bar... i hear the lot lizzards and dirt bags that drink there are soo not Boulder!

Georgetown, CO

Dec.27,2009

Living with a good friend and his kids here at 8600 feet...taking re-certification requirements to reinstate the certification so I can work in the field once again.

I find these last few months to be wonderful.

September 8, 2009
10:05:55 MDT

I wrote the following today in response to a forwarded email from an AA friend, that I have not seen in a while attending AA meetings over at ARID.

“I’ve been a regular-customer of the Steps of the program of AA and a regular meeting attendee there and have become concerned but not worried w/ angst over your apparent-to-me- non-attending. When and should you feel I’m worthy of a deep response I am here, buddy!

My experience has been that when I hold-in the 10th Step I become sicker and sicker on the inside and feel bad and seem to only be able to skim the surfaces of the various aspects of this redneck-living in plain sight here in the good ole US of A. I need the debriefing as much as the next one.”

I wrote the following reaction to a thank you note for my time yesterday, both at the Club and in the neighborhood walking around and talking.

“I sensed the Dr. ordered some camaraderie yesterday at the dregs of the car-show, however did not know this until you brought your light to it. Thanks for typing this thank you note to me. I was of like mind considering the three of us talking back there by the cigarette bucket too.

The follow-up makes sense as well, pertaining to the-what we shared vocally… see if this has relevance for you? Remember, just like you, my experience has been regarding the 10th Step that I need the debriefing the same as the next one who has a thorough 4th Step on the plate.

The alternative to the debriefing is to hold the 10th Step in and then feel sicker and sicker. I am not invested holding this in… after all it pays a large dividend and has benefit to remind one-another that the 9th Step actions we take are merely a demonstration that,”…We have made our demonstration, done our part. It's water over the dam.” This I’m invested in.

It is of no lasting consequence whether those we harmed are accepting or throw us out with the bath-water!

It is helpful for us on the living-in-plain-sight line up, right here in the US of A to adhere to this.

Your thoughts, innuendo and overtone are welcomed.”

What is apparent to the practice as I sense it is that the benefit to practicing the principled living here in the US of A simply is the awareness that in the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous the tertiary degree and bonded ness of understandings have made me more stable. I made demonstration of my cleaning my so-called side of the street with my family over many years and continued to harbor emotional draining thoughts concerning being non-accepted by those of the surviving family I was born into. It is now or rather in-the-NOW that the benefits of this generation of spiritual work has sent me the solace and comfort of knowing INSIDE that God indeed has helped. See? Simply it is notable, to understand in the core of the heart, my heart, my big-fat-heart; that making the living-change of behavior repetitively over many years is the required work/action.

This multi-year investing in time and endeavor bears fruit in the world and that it is of no lasting consequence whether I have been approved of or given verbal accolade or contrarily been thrown-out with the bathwaters.

It is of concern and lasting evidence that I made the repetitive actions over the long haul; the recordable cameras-checkable verifiable actions and that inside, my heart has settled in His Love.

I feel for them in a way and other than this sentiment I feel lighter on the road less traveled. As though this past 4-5 years has been the water-shed time for me to morph or transform more slowly into the next space of maturities that are promised as a practitioner of a spiritual “program” such as AA’s.

For those unfamiliar with Alcoholics Anonymous meetings… a resounding Yes that, those meetings are central to the drinker who senses troubling consequences resultant from the brain physiology and chronic changes in neurotransmitter transmission. The program of spiritual principles and its instilment and embodiment in the adherent serves to remove the black-and-white from the every day sense of ego.

I am grateful for the authors’ suggestions in the same vein as I, as the adherent of Hatha Yoga all these years am grateful for my original Yoga teacher’s suggestions to me.