January 2, 2011,Lakewood,CO


12:54:03, hours MST





...continued hiker’s journal…

Along with this letter around the Solstice please find my Card to you.
Hopefully you find yourself ensconced in some worthy endeavor capable and suiting to your presence.

Please forgive my inability to email you over the past holiday- time, as I haven’t wanted to go higher on the professed resource- chain and pay ‘a provider’ for Internet convenience from my home.
Some of you already know, along with this sentiment; I as well have been engaged long-term to go easier on the resources, food/caloric intake [eating closer to the ground…less processed cheesy-fries and kettle-potted tater chips, etcetera etc.] - more “usable proteins and complex- carbohydrates…” and I gave up sport-shopping long ago. I enjoy creating things for those I know rather than buy in a store, although I love buying food for people as some of you will attest to. Go figure, huh?

The Elk of the forests― just being on the forest and experiencing the thundering of the hoof- beats reverberating from the duff has cleared a place in my heart that prods my energies these lo- many years toward things and circumstances that have an illuminating effect on the body mind metabolism. Somehow, shopping for success , eating wrong and keeping the exercising of body to the minimum are no longer choices for me.

My body/ mind continuum is compelled by some innate power within to be healthy in the realms of the interior life we all possess. By extension the outer face of life is subsumed in this too.

My inkling in this respect, my view from in here is to give the metabolism of this body the life- force so that it can carry this spirit inside with this intellect and physical ness to places the car and the modern conveyances can not.

Hence some of the archival prints I have shared with you over the years. So in total, I am grateful to know you and do treasure your company when we are together. This is not wasted upon you I pray, for it is not wasted on me and I dearly desired to share this notion and sentiment with you at this, at times vexing moment of uncertainty in our cultural histories. May the presence of your own inherent energies give rise to your wherewithal and abilities to be present and of some usefulness to those you come in contact with.
*******************
I am now renting a place, which I anticipate moving away from sooner than later. This place is temporary as most events in my living have shown to be, this one non- withstanding.

Working is okay after the many years of the so- called retirement and besides this activity gives me something to do and some pin- money to pay living expenses, which some of you may consider useful to our human- condition.

I asked to be hired-on with full knowledge from the director of the agency that she “will not be able to pay me what [I’m] worth,” and have, still, an unmet debt to my monetary benefactors; hence the reasoning of eating closer to the weeds, if you may. I may go to work in the future for one of the agencies within State government, and again accrue some financial means to become solvent. In the short- run, although my money- picture does not approach being in the black, it is a stepping place from which to gather my energy for a fruiting of the money- tree to stave off the creditors. Any gravy will go to walking off some miles away from the always present line of traffic.

Ellie- Mae has been placed at a home with a family who is raising their toddler and I pray that this family will grow to be in love with her, as some of you have already experienced. Kyle was. His boys seemed to be and I suspect his ex-wife was at one time as well. She lived with me for nearly a year after Kyle passed- on and I believe she benefited from the 30 some odd miles or more a week we put on, virtually all the past year. She stopped being a “round” dog and leaned up and muscled- up and the arthritis she may have had seemed to ameliorate some. I love this dog and like my love for Kyle, both live on in my memory. Something beautiful opens in the human- spirit during the silences of spending time, don’t you think?
Not all is communicated by our busyness of speaking words, hence this letter to― you- all― this Sunday on a warming winter day.

I walked up past Clear Lake on Guanella on Christmas Eve. The temperature dropped like a rock as the sun slid behind the horizon there at 10000 ft. I missed taking Ellie along with; however found this a way to grieve a little more the unconditional love she had for me at the time. I thought briefly, how much I needed a place to live and that this place came along at the crucial time although the landlord/ manager was adamant about dogs. He said,” Mark, remember no dogs, not even on the weekends…” Going- fast has NEVER produced effective long- term results for me. I went fast and thought I needed THAT place. I do suspect you have made similar avoidable mistakes in your brand of going- fast?
Two Families gave both Ellie and I sheltering as I cobbled- together rent money for the 1st week of November. Anyway, enough about this.

The Quote by Ivan Illich, in the body of the email this letter and Solstice Card were attached to, brings to mind how much less energy and time we as the purported American- Consumer actually have at our fingertips or better yet at the soles of our feet to actually use for our own creativity. In my estimation it is by gaining experience on-the-ground that makes us aware of our own metabolisms.

The years backpacking have inculcated me with the tenacity to continue to bring illumination where there is darkness and understanding where there is ignorance. As well a love, or an in- love feeling with the world as seen with my eyes and felt by the ever-changing feeling of the spirit while walking around on our planet with a back- pack on my back. I attempt this locally with those that I acquaint with and with those that know me. Some of the time I fall short of your expectations, please find forgiveness for this attribute in my character.

In my estimation it is by gaining experience on-the-ground that makes us aware of our own metabolisms. I noticed the manner in which my body was burning energy. I suspect it went from aerobic to anaerobic burning, I felt it. I noticed on the walk this cool morning before sun- up on the way to a church I attend― the crunchiness and texture of the cold snow underfoot and became thankful again for the years of living outside and presently for the wherewithal to continue to be athletic out-of-doors at this wonderful time of year. Oh, how I love the pre- dawn of the winter at our Latitude here!

Again, my friends, thank you for your kind attention to my effort here and May the light of the day bring solace to your soul.

markie p.

Moon setting… Georgetown, CO
©mposinoff images 2010

November 10, 2010
16:47:22 MST

Canyonlands, Needles District ©mposinoff images 2005

"The cause of all our personal problems and nearly all the problems of the world can be summed up in a single sentence:
Human life is very deep, and our modern dominant lifestyle is not."

-Bo Lozoff

Here is an excerpt from an author who apparently attended Kripalu in western MA.

Creating a Meditation Practice
An excerpt from Devotion: A Memoir, by Dani Shapiro
After returning home from Kripalu, I promised myself that each day I would practice metta meditation for at least fifteen minutes. Having been on retreat for three days, I didn’t think this was a particularly tall order. Surely I had the discipline to sit still for fifteen minutes. To prepare, I ordered an elaborate meditation cushion, and a timer that was supposed to chime with the sound of Tibetan bells. The meditation cushion with its three-legged plastic base shaped like a flying saucer proved uncomfortable and strange; the timer’s chimes sounded like the electronic ring of a regular alarm clock. So I gave up on props and tried just to sit, using the comforting metta phrases that Sylvia Boorstein had taught.

May I feel protected and safe; may I feel contented and pleased … My mind would break through the words almost instantly. Gotta call the dentist. When’s the school picnic? These first thoughts were all on the level of the utterly mundane. I tried to be a neutral observer—to simply watch the thoughts as if they were clouds in the sky—but it was difficult. I was full of self-judgment. This was what was in my mind? My first layer of consciousness felt like a trash can full of Post-its® and to-do lists.

May my physical body support me with strength; may my life unfold smoothly with ease. I couldn’t get all the way through these four brief phrases without some bit of detritus from my daily life intruding. Why hasn’t that health insurance reimbursement come in yet? It seemed impossible to quiet down. Again and again, I was overcome by an intense desire to open my eyes, to move, to check the timer—to stop. The desire felt physical—an uncomfortable surge of energy. As soon as one passed, another would start up again.

On some days I discovered that I was able to tolerate these surges of energy for at least a little while. And when I did, I began to see the endless, circular monologue beneath them. No wonder I didn’t want to go there! Worry, fear, doubt, resentment, envy, anxiety, comparison, sadness—apparently these were the themes of the complicated stories churning through my head. Rather than being like a still, clear pool of water—an image often used in visualizations—my mind was a stagnant pond badly in need of dredging. The checklists and tasks were the debris floating on the surface. Either way, it was murky territory, and I didn’t want to go there.

But go there I continued to do—because really, what was the alternative? I had gotten a peek at the enemy, and she was me. If worry, fear, doubt, resentment, et al. were part of the fabric of my inner life, didn’t I need to know about it? Each day it took longer and longer to prepare myself to meditate; simply plunking myself down on the floor wasn’t going to do the trick. I started to worry that this was becoming a full-time job. What was an ambitious, sociable, urban-oriented forty-five year old doing, spending her mornings sitting in dead silence with her eyes closed in a house in the middle of nowhere?

After Jacob was off to school and Michael had left for his writing studio in town, I unrolled my yoga mat. Most mornings I didn’t feel like doing this, but I had learned that it was best to ignore what I felt like doing, and instead create a ritual, a habit. I put on the decidedly unorthodox yogic mixed tape that Michael had made me: an eclectic combination of everything from Pink to Leonard Cohen. And then I did my intense hour-long physical practice, which had begun to feel, to me, like the only possible preparation for meditation. It seemed that I needed to physically exhaust myself before my mind could find any quiet.

Once the final strains of k. d. lang singing “Hallelujah” faded away, I was ready—or at least as
ready as I could make myself. I folded my legs into half-lotus and began the internal struggle to let go. I repeated Sylvia’s phrases. Focused on the out breath. Focused on the in and the out breath. Became aware of the birds chirping outside my window, the distant rumble of a truck straining uphill. What was this exploration? I was like a scientist experimenting in a laboratory of the self. I watched the thoughts come, tried to label them simply as thinking.
Why did she do that to me? I never—Thinking.How are we ever going to be able to afford—Thinking.I hope he didn’t think that I—Thinking.

The surges of energy continued. By now, I knew that these surges meant that there was more; beneath these painful, but still mostly mundane, concerns lurked something pure and deep that this simple process of sitting was stirring up. I couldn’t touch it yet. All I knew was that sitting helped—and by that, I don’t mean that it helped make me feel better. It was hard, scary, and sometimes felt silly. What was I doing? I had deadlines to meet. Students to teach. Food shopping to do. But it was helping me to make out the vaguest beginning of an outline. I was starting to see what was there.

Excerpted from the book Devotion: A Memoir, by Dani Shapiro. Copyright ©2010 by Dani Shapiro. Used by permission of Harper, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.


How true… I found out about this a long time ago and found that when I go fast I make mistakes—as well, I found out how true it is that in the sitting position breathing in Pran… the mind acts like the wild beast of the west. Hard or easy as you may believe- it takes practicing the practice to obtain clarity of the mind and the body. I found out about this during the five and a half years of living out- of- doors camping and long to return.

Something wholesome occurs to the spirit when exercising out of doors over the weeks carrying about the backpack, sleeping gear and kitchen. Something indescribable, please forgive me
should I have lost you in this.

The everydayness of this American Adventuring has a feature concerning loss of the experience
of connectedness to the energies of the soul, the animals and the growing seasons. I miss
this connectedness. Do you sense this aspect? Should I plan time to reconnect? Should I go winter-camping at GRCA this winter, once more? Your thoughts my friends?

Am grateful you have been reading my journal entries over the years. Thank you and for those newer readers…your thoughtful responses are appreciated and not wasted upon my heart.

me

Rock Squirrel © mposinoff images 2005

Day after Labor Day

September 7, 2010, Denver, CO
09:36:42, hours MDT
...continued hiker’s journal…

**************

Over the past few days we accomplished a small thing in the big-scheme of things.
…Still foreclosed-upon and homeless w/ a financial burden― that most consumers may find intolerable if it were THEM― is where we are in this interesting picture. Enough said amigos/…okay then here is the skivvy―>

DORA, the Dept. of Regulatory Agencies for the State of Colorado is the next step in re-certifying the CAC III certification I hold but allowed to lapse July, 2007. The training site took another $30. Friday and re-signed two of three certificates of completion for required classes to re-certify the credential. The credential will open a door into the Mental Hlth/ Drug/ Alcohol arena so that I may earn some $$ in the counseling game again.


As I type, the training site office girl is at her desk hopefully, [remember Pema Chodron says there is no hope …only action], remembering at some point in her day today to have this last training certificate signed by the trainer she related to me would be on-site there, this day after Labor Day. Then w/ three of three certificates and the required ppw and Jurisprudence Exam answer sheet in hand …I’m on my way downtown to hand deliver my ppw packet to recertify. This done…whenever it occurs will be a small step keen on becoming solvent and w/aquiring the means to leasing a place for me and homeless dog.

Homeless dog finds her self in a decent position. This being that she is a non-resident of the car for now and she is sleeping outside in the back yard of a house Julie is house-sitting here in Denver.

For this month so far it has not rained on her although she is mildly disgruntled I believe when the automatic lawn sprinklers come on in the still dark early morning hours. She barks the forlorn WOOF when she has to get up from her out-in-the-open Elk-resting position and move to drier digs. I spoke w/ Julie about the necessity involved to help Ellie-Mae keep her body dry in the event of the rain that is sure to come this month. We will investigate if she has keys to the garage in order that Ellie may stay dry in there.

Although I have not many doláres US left from the pay-out on the Morgan Stanley acc’t I hopefully will be able to have faith in the way things are and find the situation unique, only one of a kind and distinctive as I live in the moment and practice all the asana and breathing that goes into keeping energies clean, clear and coherent on the inside so I can stand in truth no matter what the outsides bring on. Are you following?

Are not all things living temporary in the bigger picture? I am trying to do God’s will for me and I pray that He provides me the inner wherewithal to observe the consequences of my human act.

Next item of business―> Where the hell is the Punch-Proof toilet paper? Ever notice the advertising, marketeering and promotion to the consumers regarding how soft the toilet-paper IS? Gee-whiz Wally give me a break. What we need is punch-proof not softer ‘more absorbent’ punch-through toilet paper. Who really cops to loving it when they poke the finger through the paper trying to wipe?

Thank you for seeing this through, your thoughtful comments may be helpful. Oh and not least but last…please go easier on the resources.

If a man has done his best, what else is there?

September 2, 2010, Lakewood, CO
10:10:51, hours MDT
...continued hiker’s journal…
[Temporarily foreclosed upon and homeless with an 80-90 lb. dog in my care]

57° @ 08:00 Hours, MDT this morning outside. The weather/temperature is varying as the shift into autumn is taking its shape once again here in the middle latitudes.

Today’s meditation seems synchronistic to the situation that Homeless Dog [pronounced Homeless Doge] and myself find our-selves in today. See if this rings true for you as well…okay?

Day 166―
Meditations from the Mat, Gates and Kenison.

“If a man has done his best, what else is there?”
George S. Patton Jr.

“Because of my asana practice, I experience a deeper level of dignity in my life. Over and over again, I show up on my mat just not in the mood. Something has not gone my way, or I may simply be tired. In any case, my heart is not in it. But I start anyway. At these times, I appreciate the fact that I start with fifteen minutes of reclining pranayama, because I can fling my weary body down and lie flat on my back, arms outstretched. I stay with the breath, move through the exercise, connect to the expansiveness in my chest. I perform one sun salutation, and then I say the ancient mantra “om’ three times. “Om” is the name, sound, and vibration of divinity. I experience the name, sound and vibration of God in every cell in my body. I “om” my powerlessness, I “om” my gratitude, I “om” to end suffering of all beings. Then I begin. Some days it turns around and I get a surge of energy; some days it doesn’t. It doesn’t really matter. If I complete my practice, which is most days, I can step back and let go. I have done my best. What else is there?”
**********************************
TIME…T.I.M.E. Things I Must Earn… This meditation reminds us to trust in the process and remind ourselves that when not reminded from the OUTSIDE that we have an INSIDE process that w/ practice of course and an active seeking of God’s will for us― that we can slow down and go slowly with integrities that many look to us to possess. This integrity may be doing the INSIDE work that spiritual practice leads us through. We clean house and make changes in our businesses, our approaches and stand in truth. However, it is not lost on the practitioner, me and hopefully YOU that this internal housecleaning has not-a-thing to do w/ acting-as-if in the greater Industrial-Consumer Society that America has become.

Homeless Dog and I will be temporarily given shelter at Julie’s house-sitting situation in Denver for this month. As well on the horizon is my re-certification process with DORA so that I may cobble-together and concoct a plan for on-call counseling work in Denver Metro. As soon as DORA approves my pending re-certification I will knock on doors. I intend to gain some provisional position useful in the short-term and more permanent as time goes on― one that has benefits― possibly w/ Corrections or Judicial. Time will tell, right?

Externally, the funds from the IRA have exhausted. The last 5½ yrs. living on approx. 15k per yr. is something that I recommend to you and by extension to your friends to do while you are still young and your body is still in shape. I regret none of my mistakes, joys and lessons learned since retiring at 54 y.o.
I found a food bank and the nutritional help is valuable.

The inner work presently points to this approach--> to go with the way things are in efforts to release the emotional drama that at times I’m seemingly pulled into. I remind myself to practice and do my best to release and ‘feel’ that surge of energy that this meditation speaks to. Some days I don’t, however this seems like the pathway w/ heart, integrity and truth for me and Ellie-Mae-the-homeless-dog.

The people in my life that COUNT― I have let in and they have given me gifts of awake ness and consciousness. Some who are emotionally afflicted and spiritually sick tip-toe around their own lives and others and are really of no benefit for the Inside work that this meditation seems to get in touch with. These folks are on the outer circle of acquainting and those who are present in their own lives are closest to me while Ellie-Mae and I navigate this position of becoming foreclosed upon and subsequently homeless w/ a financial burden.

This weekend in Denver is the AA State Convention and I will attend again as I have over many years. Next weekend is Kyle’s memoriam and tree-planting at the Summit County District Courthouse as well as an Arid Club member’s AA birthday and BBQ at his home. Julie and I will attend to the three, in between my trying to gain a transitional position in the field and gather some funds for a lease somewhere here in the area.
As the meditation relates it really doesn’t matter whether we feel a surge in energy…what matters most is that the practitioner completes the practice and then steps back to let it go and then go on in the Society w/ integrity. Make sense to you kids?

Foreclosed upon w/ homeless dog

September 1, 2010, Lakewood, CO
15:46:12, hours MDT
...continued hiker’s journal…
[Temporarily foreclosed upon and homeless with a 90 lb. dog in my care]

Well okay there kids, how are things INSIDE? Interesting how so much of this consumer-society here in America is strongly-focused upon things OUT THERE and External to our INNER being or spiritual side. I must remind myself or better yet be reminded to slow it down and seek the intrinsic/ intuitive answers or I become distracted like the rest of them out here.

This distraction becomes one of going fast and losing concentration. I learned a valuable lesson from my sister 20 or so years ago― about going fast never returns its weight in gold.

I emailed Robin over at Odyssey Training to request her assistance in documentation for DORA regarding the re-certification. I emailed Alan about the foreclosed upon and homeless situation in which I find myself these days.

Remember, things events and situations are temporary and we…and by extension I, have nothing to be ashamed for. Doing work on a spiritual path has helped my standing in truth and it has the effect of making me come Alive. For this I am grateful.

Remarkable as a hiker’s journal is…I am not hiking but typing as the living situation remains fluid and my sojourn from working in a career is coming to a halt. I look ahead to finding useful work in the field and over time acquire a position w/ benefits― Along-side with finding an adequate place to lease here in Denver Metro somewhere where Ellie-Mae and I will be non-homeless as we find ourselves now. I do have faith in the way things are and find it interesting.

Do you suppose this means evolving-in-spirit?

Foreclosed upon and homeless

August 31, 2010, Lakewood, CO
16:07:53, hours MDT

...continued hiker’s journal…
[Temporarily foreclosed upon and homeless with an 80-90 lb. dog in my care]

The cause of all our personal problems and nearly all the problems of the world can be summed up in a single sentence:

Human life is very deep, and our modern dominant lifestyle is not."
-Bo Lozoff

Here is the REAL DEAL kids. Today will be today all day. THERE…this is all there is and remember you’ve Arrived.

I find it usual to arrive over a few sleep periods and as well find it re-assuring to body/spirit that I come to resolution after a five hour period of conversation/discussion in dialogue w/ another. Prayer helps the process.

On the physical plane I am homeless w/ a big older dog. House was foreclosed upon and now w/o adequate funds am getting ready to 1st re-certify w/ DORA the CACIII counselor certification. 2nd obtain a residence of record. Hopefully this process (posting the Jurisprudence Exam on-line and obtaining documentation from the training site of courses completed along w/ 200$ to DORA) won’t take longer than it needs to take. W/pending certification in hand …will look to cobble together jobs to earn revenue to put down on a rental for Ellie-Mae and myself. I trust the universe will provide the where-withal for me to remain vigilant and open to the process. Homeless is interesting and scarcities of funding is similar. I trust. Will go on-line tomorrow to look for the EXAM. More later.

Bad Conditions

July 8, 2010, Georgetown, CO; elev. 8600’
12:06:03, hours MDT
...continued hiker’s journal…
Bad conditions…

Ellie-Mae injured herself really badly. She limps and cries when trying to sit up from lying down.
Although the braids of Clear are lowering dramatically as the brief summer respite envelops the high country here, the hidden rocks and obstacles both in the stream bed and along the banks present muscle and joint straining dilemmas for a retriever dog that runs headlong w/ a narrow focus on retrieving the stick.

Ellie managed to at best a strain her left foreleg at worst a torn or separated tendon or ligament. Gave her an aspirin, a 220 mg. naproxen sodium tablet and a chondroitin sulfate pill mixed in w/ a milk bone and some cereal. She is resting like an elk in the big living room. I felt her leg and she does not exhibit tenderness to my touch or probing. The bones do not seem to have been broken and there are no external injuries noticeable. However, the animal has black short hair so any black and blue markings are not visible.

I was worried as she bit hard onto the last stick retrieval and walked the stick in her mouth uncharacteristically for between a 1/10th and 2/10ths of a mile before finally letting it go. She limped the nearly ½-6/10th of a mile back to the house after letting go of the stick. The stick consumed some mental energy for her as it weighed about 5 pounds and was quite round [larger than the average bicep flexed].

It is in the higher power’s power to help her rehab now.

The daily walk was the usual and until Ellie heals from her injury it will be slow for her on the walks. The walks will be truncated until then.